The more persistently we pursue happiness, the less likely it is to find it. This conclusion, based on his research, was made by the American expert on happiness Raj Raghunathan. And here’s what he offers in return.
Many studies show that the key to happiness is to be clear about your goals. From childhood, we are taught that we should set high standards for ourselves and find satisfaction in a successful career, achievements and victories. In fact, this preoccupation with results prevents you from becoming happy, says Raj Raghunathan, author of If You’re So Smart, Why Are You Unhappy?
He first thought about it at a meeting with former classmates. He noticed that the more obvious successes of some of them — career advancement, high incomes, big houses, exciting trips — the more dissatisfied and confused they seemed.
These observations prompted Raghunathan to conduct research to understand the psychology of happiness and test his hypothesis: the desire to lead, to be important, needed and desired only interferes with psychological well-being. As a result, he deduced the five most important components of happiness.
1. Don’t chase happiness
In our pursuit of future happiness, we often forget to properly prioritize the present. Although many of us admit that it is more important than a career or money, in practice we often sacrifice it for other things. Keep a reasonable balance. No need to worry about how happy you are — do what helps you feel happy here and now.
Where to begin. Think about what gives you a feeling of happiness — the hugs of loved ones, outdoor recreation, a sound sleep at night, or something else. Make a list of those moments. Make sure they are always present in your life.
2. ຮັບຜິດຊອບ
Never blame others for not being happy. After all, it really depends on you. We are all capable of controlling our thoughts and feelings, no matter how external circumstances develop. This sense of control makes us freer and happier.
Where to begin. A healthy lifestyle helps to gain self-control. Start taking care of yourself: increase your physical activity a little, eat at least one more fruit a day. Choose the types of exercise that work best for you and help you feel better, and incorporate them into your daily routine.
3. Avoid comparisons
If for you happiness is associated with a sense of superiority over someone else, you are doomed to experience disappointment every now and then. Even if you manage to outperform your competitors now, sooner or later someone will surpass you. In extreme cases, age will begin to let you down.
Comparison with others may seem like a good way to motivate yourself: “I will be the best in my class/in the company/in the world!” But this bar will keep shifting, and you will never be able to be an eternal winner.
Where to begin. If you measure yourself by others, then involuntarily you will go in cycles in your shortcomings. So be kind to yourself — the less you compare, the happier you will be.
4. ໄປກັບກະແສ
Most of us have experienced flow at least occasionally, an inspiring experience when we get so caught up in something that we lose track of time. We do not think about our social role, we do not evaluate how well or badly we cope with the work in which we are immersed.
Where to begin. What are you capable of? What is the thing that really fascinates you, inspires you? Running, cooking, journaling, painting? Make a list of these activities and devote time to them regularly.
5. Trust strangers
The happiness index is higher in those countries or communities where fellow citizens treat each other with trust. When you doubt whether the seller will count the change correctly, or you are afraid that a fellow traveler on the train will steal something from you, you lose peace of mind.
It is natural to trust family and friends. Trusting strangers is another matter entirely. This is an indicator of How long we trust life as such.
Where to begin. Learn to be more open. As a practice, try to talk to at least one stranger every day — on the street, in the store … Focus on the positive moments of communication, and not on fears that you can expect trouble from strangers.